It's easy to see the benefit in making healthy changes in our lives! More energy, better sleep, less pain with movement, healthier joints, clearer sense of purpose. What's often harder is to look honestly at the reasons we choose to stay the same and not make any changes. There are often important reasons to acknowledge for keeping the status quo. For myself, its often been fear standing in my way. Fear of the unknown mostly. Change can bring discomfort, as well as increase wellbeing. Change may alter significant relationships, as well as open the door for new ones to form. Change can bring loss, not just gain. And we are rarely comfortable feeling the pain of loss...let alone talking about it. If you are feeling stuck and unable to move forward, it might be helpful to look at something called 'decisional balance" this tool assesses the pros & cons of making a change verse keeping the status quo. I used this technique with a client this morning when setting up goals and assessing her readiness to make the necessary changes to begin a wellness journey.
Let me explain how it works....
There are 4 main questions to ask yourself:
(1) What do I gain (benefit) from staying the same?
(2) What do I lose (cost) by staying the same?
(3) What do I lose (cost) by changing?
(4) What do I gain (benefit) by changing?
The benefits of change have to outweigh the costs if we are to commit to making healthy behavior changes.
Try this short exercise: Bring to mind a change you'd like to make in your life in order to have a greater sense of health or wellbeing. Take out a piece of paper and brainstorm answers to each of the 4 questions I listed above. Be as honest as you can with yourself- that will best serve your purpose of exploration. After you've finished ask yourself: Was there anything that surprised me here? DO the benefits of change outweigh the costs of change right now?
For most of us, it takes time before we are ready to commit to changing habits. We have to be ready to make changes, and there needs to be a clear path with specific action steps. By using this process we can really dive in and bring to the surface the fears, obstacles and rewards and benefits on many different levels. Writing it out brings more focus and clarity to our thoughts.
As I mentioned earlier, change involves loss and letting go, which we don't often acknowledge when we are talking about change for the better. Yet, its part of the dynamic in the "Decisional Balance Tool" What do I gain from keeping things as they are, and what do I lose by changing things? Those beliefs often operate on a subconscious or unaware level, but can be powerful in either helping us or tripping us up. Sometimes when we feel stuck in moving forward- even if we want to make healthy changes in our lives- it's important to consider what are some of the consequences of making the change. We may be holding onto the old, familiar habits because we don't want to experience the loss of moving forward. There' s pain involved in loss and lettings go...even as there's hope and relief.
It's human nature to fear the unknown, to hold on to the familiar, even if we known its not working for our greater good. But there's power in acknowledgment. Sometimes we have to dig deep and do the work, and within this space there's room for grace, for patience. for understanding and forward movement! Lean into the discomfort and I hope you will see how absolutely amazingly capable you truly are!
Be well. Be blessed. Because you deserve it!
Much love,
Katie RN, CPT
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